Why Me?

The Void and on filling it ! How do you define emptiness? The opposite of fullness? Not quite…   I’d rather say it’s stillness, a dangerous silence, blankness and having no hold – that’s my definition of emptiness. Today my heart is filled with emptiness. The death of a friend shook me and made me spill my grief here. The heaviest heart would be the one that enters a home after burying a family member, more so if it’s a spouse that has just left to heaven. Nothing can express the amount of pain and the depth of that sorrow that just engulfs one when they return home, only to find themselves more alone than ever before. The near and dear leave to return to their lives, children not sure of what’s in store for them next and all that’s left is the empty heart and life of the spouse. From the departed’s shoes, as you enter the home, to their belongings that lie scattered all over the home, each pulling one string of the heart! What to do to get over this moment, each second ...

Cook books, Coffee Spills, Oil Splatters, Scribbled Notes and Life! Here I am with this picture which beautifully captures the sum total of my unending love for cooking. I think I was 12 when I watched my first cooking show on DD, guess it was called Daawat. It was love at first sight, as to how simple ingredients came together to make something that looks and tastes delicious. My sisters and I s tarted to change our play to include a mic, tiny vessals, spoons and bowls of ingredients and thereby creating pretend cookery shows. We took turns to be the cook and the anchor. Mom used to chuckle at our creativity, little did she know that we were taking it seriously. Slowly we secretly got into the kitchen, when mom and dad stepped out. We started off with dosa, maaladu and some safe play recipes like the humble but deeply satisfying potato fry (which would be edible however badly cooked!) The spilt milk, flour, oil stains on the kitchen floor often gave us up and made mom go mad, but sh...

Flying away to a new zone - a new area of work - new people ! Wish me luck

Another year, another beginning, another hope , another plan :) Happy New Year to you! Moving to a new country, new assignment, new experiences - thanks to 2011, you just zipped by! What does a new year mean to you, to me it does make a different meaning. No am not talking about resolutions, plans etc etc. I'm a great fan of spontaneity. It actually means "coming out of natural impulse or tendency,unplanned or unconstrained". How beautiful it is not to know the result, but enjoy the process and the minute you hold..... Being spontaneous means different things, acting impromptu, just like that and so on. So you are bound to be judged when you are spontaneous. I can hear you say, who cares about what others judge me as, hold hold, I said judged, it can also mean you judge yourself, you look at yourself and see how you acted in that moment. You might pat yourself and say good, or you might say couldnt you have just shut up or not reacted at all! Hmm interesting isnt it! I wa...

What would you name your autobiography if you ever plan to write one? Have you ever thought of that? I will name mine "Beyond Krishna". Why the name beyond Krishna?? Coz everything changes in life when you go beyond a certain limit!

The words we utter have a great effect. Some spilt here andthere hurt people. I experienced this today. Amidst all these repercussions, my little one A Jr, gives me a smile and an ubbbba**. I look at him and smile back. A kid knows when exactly to smile. Thanks to him, my cherub! ** kiss

My cousin S came over for dinner on Sunday. This is the first time she is visiting me. Her daughter,husband accompanied her.S and I are of the same age and are third cousins to be precise. Am supposed to call her “chithi” lol, but never did. We share some beautiful memories together. I have spent days with her during my vacations when I was in school. She lived in the same place where my grand parents live, so anytime we are in my granny’s place, I am set to visit her atleast once. It was a time when there were no mobile phones, so my mom used to leave me in her place and then pick me up after 3-4 days. No inbetween calls to find out if “is she eating, is she comfortable” like we do today. I used to wear S’ clothes when at her place and she used to wear mine. We used to play all day with her lovely set of “choppu jaaman” (read little utensils in a kitchen set). Her father used to take us to their grocery shop, and we used to munch “naturo” mango bars, five stars(that came with a golden...

Who is a soulmate? Have you met yours? Here is a wonderful read from Paulo’s Brida that explains more about this subject. I reread this so many times, coz I can relate to this concept so well. I met my soulmate — yipeeeeeeeeeeee!!! From the book of Paulo Coelho – “Brida” “We are eternal because we are all manifestations of God.That is why we go through many lives and many deaths, emerging out of some unknown place and going toward another equally unknown place. You must get used to the fact that there are many things in magic which are not and never will be explained. God decided to do certain things in a certain way and why He did this is a secret known only to Him. The fact is that this happens. And when people think of reincarnation, they always come up against a very difficult question: if, in the beginning, there was so few people on the face of Earth, and now there are so many, where did all those new souls come from?The answer is simple.In certain reincarnations, we divide into ...

There are few things I’d like to change around me. 1. HONKING – This should be CHANGED. I hate to hear the honking noise. When really needed, please do, but where there’s no soul in front of you blocking your way or barring traffic rules why the *#!% do you honk??? 2.INDIAN PENAL CODE - How relevant can the IPC be when it is totally outdated.Crimes and Criminals have greatly changed from the time IPC was drafted. 3. APPLICATION OF STUDY - Why dont our educational systems teach students first aid care, CPR, cooking for oneself, driving, gardening, martial arts, filing a complaint at any public office (police stn / EB /Corporation etc) ? Are’nt those inevitable to us?? 4. UNIFORM- If uniforms are provided in school for considering every student the same, why is it not followed at all offices?Makes life more simpler. 5. PUBLIC TRANSPORT - I really appreciate cities where metro rail helps us a lot like Chennai,Mumbai,Kolkata. How about all other growing cities adapting to the same. Also wh...

This summer like every other year made everyone in chennai say “Phew, last summer wasnt this bad, its terrible now”. It was raining cats and dogs all over the state, but not a drop in Chennai. The rain was dodging us, in the last 20 days like a cat and mouse game. It used to slighty drizzle and before we could realize it was raining, it would stop A Jr wanted to go for a swim at 5 pm yesterday. We went to the aquatic complex nearby. He was swimming happily and then it started to get dark.I alerted him to come out of the pool and take a shower. Like every other 5 year old he readily disagreed, and continued to swim It started to drizzle and he started to love the feeling of getting wet by rain and swimming in the pool.It started to rain heavily and I almost yelled at him looking at the weather. Then he finally listened to me and came out of the pool with a long face. I was momentarily guilty, for having spoilt the fun Once he was out, I asked him if he wanted to go for another dip, his ...

Read this in TOI today .. loved the quote. It set a thinking cloud in me early in the morning.. So many times in life we are treated this way.. Enjoy the thinking! Catch you soon. “So, let’s put it like this: I asked for a small round ice-cream cake with a cherry on top… and I got a 3-tier German chocolate cake with an extra supply of mango soufflé and butter cookies!! Now, that’s great. But the point is… where is my “small round ice-cream cake with a cherry on top?? Is that too much to ask for?” Another way to look at this is, be happy and content when life offers you something more when you ask for less? If that be the case, should we be thankful for what we recieved or grieve that we didnt get what we wanted?? Thinking cloud rising …..

My first mobile phone was a Nokia 2100.. I got this for the dumb reason that every other person in my first team had this. It had a very userfriendly menu and it was my first association with NOKIA phones. Till date am not as comfy as I am with this company’s mobile, when compared to a SonyEric(most confusing) or a Samsung (horrible !!). I got this as soon as I found a job in Bangalore. Came in handy when I wanted to talk to my near and dear ones. Still a good phone and had all what we require to make or recieve calls and to message. period! No super dooper facilities in it. I was happy with this one. After using it for a year or so, my mind started to look for a fancy mobile, with color display, MMS, camera,etc. I also wanted something like a slide or open out mobile handset, a little expensive and glossy. I found a really sleek one, small compact one – Nokia 6111! A collegue’s husband had gifted her with this one from the middle east. I loved it the moment I saw it. Didnt want to buy...

A – Available/Single? married B – Best Friend? I’m sure he/she is reading this (lol) C – Cake or Pie? The Apple pie made during thanksgiving ’08 D – Drink of choice? Amma’s filter kaapi !!! E – Essential item you use every day? Lipstick & Moisturiser F – Favorite colour? White G – Gummy Bears Or Worms? Gummy,Yummy H – Hometown? Madurai I – Indulgence? Oryza in Chennai J – January or February? Jan, love the new year celebrations K – Kids & their names? Son, A Jr L – Life is incomplete without? Friends M – Marriage date? 23/May N – Number of siblings? 2 sisters O – Oranges or Apples? Apples, hands down P – Phobias/Fears? Hate class arachnida Q – Quote for today? Live the moment! R – Reason to smile? Darling son S – Season? Breezy T – Time ? Now U – Unknown fact about me? I can live on apples for 3 days at a stretch. V – Vegetable you don’t like? Gweeeeeeens W – Worst habit? Shopping like there is no tomorrow X – X-rays you’ve had? Just one, my little finger on my left hand, a mon...

My friend has been diagnosed with Cancer. And it was found out recently. She has sinus problems since childhood. All the time when she had a bad cold, nose bleeds, numbness and difficulty to breath, she thought it was the sinus disturbing her. After a nose block removal surgery, her biopsy spelled out ”Cancer”. Just pondering how careless we are with our health. A small issue(?!) sinus has just turned her life around. The word cancer scares us all ,and we are alarmed when we hear it. Cancer can affect anyone Doctors say. Here is a little insight into cancer. Cancer (medical term: malignant neoplasm) is a class of diseases in which a group of cells display uncontrolled growth (division beyond the normal limits), invasion (intrusion on and destruction of adjacent tissues), and sometimes metastasis (spread to other locations in the body via lymph or blood). These abnormalities may be due to the effects of carcinogens, such as tobacco smoke, radiation, chemicals, or infectious agents. Othe...

This post was written in 2008 and I had posted this in another blog I'd thought I'd maintain along with this :) As expected, that didnt work so here come all the posts from there Dated July 30 , 2008 Me back from Dubai, moving too quickly to Chennai. Wonder what more reasons a human being can think of while dropping papers in a company he/she is employed with. I said my spouse found a job there, my manager gives me a strange look,smiles to himself and then says “good na, you can stay more hours in office or go onsite with no reasons to come back for some time” :0 REASONS!! ————————– Last week, I hear the noise of ambulances speeding away in the main road close to office,continuously. Wondering why so many ambulances in a row, I got up and walked up to the reception. Then my aunt calls up from a small place in tamilnadu around kanyakumari called “agasthiswaram” and asks ” Are you guys safe?” . I didnt know what to say, I asked her “en chithi? enachu” , she says ” there are 6 bla...

This post was written in 2008 and I had posted this in another blog I'd thought I'd maintain along with this :) As expected, that didnt work so here come all the posts from there Dated June 16,2008 Everytime I visit a new place, I never bring with me the description and the ideas of people who have visited that place earlier. I like to see it fresh, and everything I see should be new to me I feel. So I restrain from asking people advices/tips before leaving to a new country. So this time its Dubai ! Different – This is one word that comes to my mind when I saw Dubai for the first time. The people have a great mix – I mean it being cosmopolitan in the true sense. People from India, Pakistan, Bangladesh,Lanka, all over europe,south east asian countries and of course our dear China (I was baffled looking at their population in the United States). Lets start from weather – its HOT! However since the major part of our time is spent at office/home/car where all these are air conditio...

This post was written in 2008 and I had posted this in another blog I'd thought I'd maintain along with this :) As expected, that didnt work so here come all the posts from there. Dated: May 29, 2008 I had planned a trip to Madurai last week. Deccan flies to Madurai twice a day , once in the morning around 6.55and another in the evening at 5.30. I had booked tickets by the morning flight on Saturday to Madurai and for the return from Madurai I had chosen the morning flight from madurai at 9 am. I booked my tickets on the auspicious day of May 23rd, no knowing that all flights from Bangalore would depart from the new Bangalore International Airport(BIAL) from that night around 1 am onwards. Once I booked I got an sms saying your flight will depart from Devanahalli airport at 6.55 am tomorrow. What???????!!!! Not from HAL, I thought this BIAL thing came into existence post May only!! Then started the saga. I had a long Friday and retired home around 10pm from office. Had’nt packe...

Many a times in our daily life, we have to give something to others, if lucky we receive something may be in return. What we give may be love,care or anything monetary or materialistic. However the mind longs for something in return. Giving something to others may not be out of choice, "we ought to" or "we can give" or sometimes "on an occasion" (gifts). The human mind expects things, no one can differ on this thought, but the question I have at this juncture is that "What do we do when we get nothing in return and we are always the giver?" Think for a moment and give me an answer. If you are saintly/a (highly)good hearted soul, then you'd probably be saying "keep doing the same, dont expect anything from others. you are being good and you are happy seeing others happy! " (More so if you are a woman, needless to say, everyone says a woman should have no happiness on her own, it should be collective and in the favor of the entire hou...

Of late I have been hearing cases of people affected by Dengue and Malaria. And of course quick deaths. It is quite scary and imposes upon me an additional responsibility of taking extra care on the health and hygiene of my family. Dengue is a very serious disease, and has caused death to families that I know. It starts with fever, with unimaginable fall in the platelet count in blood. It caused death for a very healthy teenager who I know. It is very hard to believe that this person is no more. Another case I heard this morning is a case of cerebral malaria,I had met this youngster a fortnight ago. She is no more today. My heart goes out to the families of the departed. May their souls rest in peace.Also let this post be an eye opener to all of us to employ means to prevent such epidemics.Especially when we have children less than 10 years old who are most vulnerable to these. Take care folks!

1. Were you named after anyone? Nope. My mom's friend named me. 2. When was the last time you cried? 2 days ago. 3. Do you like your handwriting? Yes. 4. If you were another person, would you be friends with you? Definitely yes. 5. Would you bungee jump? Sure, that'l be loads of fun. 6. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Yes, at times ;) 7. If you were to pick your own first name, what would it be? Deekshanya 8. What is the first thing that you notice about people? Eyes 9. Red or Pink? Red 10. What is the least favorite thing about yourself? lol secret secret. 11. Whom do you miss the most? Some precious friends living in the same city as I, but not in touch. 12. What are you listening to right now? Lonely - Akon 13. Favorite smells? Petrol, new books and "True Red" (marks & Spencer) 14. Do you wear contacts? No 15. Favorite foods? Chocolates and kalyana samayal. 16. Last movie you watched Madarasapattinam, loved it. 17.What book are you reading right...